New Year, New Beginnings

Yesterday I buried my mother! Despite this fact it was a very nice day...even with the cloudiness and misty rain here and there. It was a good day!

My mother’s name was Betty. She lived 83 years...12 of them with a horrible disease called alzheimers. She has suffered enough and was so ready to be set free of the bondage. She spoke at times about wanting to go home and see her Mama and Daddy. They both passed away in the very early 70’s.

Saturday morning about 3:30am we received a call that she had turned for the worse. We rushed to the nursing home to find her breathing to be labored and some other vitals to be declining. At this point my sisters and I decided that we would all take turns staying with her so she would never be alone.

I noticed Saturday afternoon after weeks of not opening her eyes...being very unresponsive...she opened both eyes as wide as they would go. Something she had not really done in months. She stared straight up to the ceiling...the labored breathing had subsided, and she was blinking her eyes like you and I would do when listening to someone. I called her name but she was totally ignoring me but whoever had her attention....had it fully. It was like someone was telling her something VERY important...and she was listening to them with great intense. She stayed this way for about a minute and then slowly closed her eyes again for good. It was an amazing event and I felt so privileged to have witnessed it. What do I think was happening? I truly believe God was telling her it was okay to let go...and that she would be there soon. Some people might disagree with me and say oh that is what people who are dying usually do...well maybe so...but I do believe God was speaking to her.

She passed away on late Monday afternoon and it was so peaceful. As I watched her take her last breath I stood their wondering....who is she seeing first? Who is waiting for her? I actually felt a little jealousy.

The amazing caregivers at the nursing home where she resided for four years were so sweet to her. They all came and paid their respects to her...kissed her...and told her they loved her. It was very touching. We are so grateful for all of their help over the past four years. They took excellent care of her and we would have nothing but the best for our dear mother.

Today I am not sad. I am so happy for my mother. She is in heaven with my Father, her parents, her siblings and friends....that I know she is having a big party up in heaven. She is finally free!!

Today is the beginning of a new year...new beginnings for me and my mother...life is good again! I’m so excited about all the possibilities and adventures that await for me.

Thank you Mother for being the best mother anyone could have! My sisters and I were so blessed to have you as our mother. I love you!

****Written January 1, 2010**********

Goodbye Molly

It all started about 15 or 16 years ago. We are really not sure but it doesn't matter. My father came home one day with a "britney spaniel" about 7 or 8 months old...named Molly. My father was about 72 years at the time and my sisters and I could not figure out why he wanted this dog at his age. She was very active but behaved well for my dad. My mother really was never a dog lover but she tolerated all the dogs we had when we were growing up. Molly was no different. She was definitely a "girl" dog but my mother always referred to her as " him". My sisters and I would always correct her and she would just laugh and continued to refer to her as "him".

Molly could run like the wind and loved to catch the moles that were invading my parent's backyard. Of course Molly did more damage than the moles did because she would dig and dig and dig until she caught that nasty little creature. We would then have to go and fill in all the holes she had dug.

Then came April 12, 1998, the day my father passed away. It was Easter Sunday and actually a beautiful day. My father died around 5:30am...just before sunrise. I thought what a wonderful day to go to heaven.

Now that my father had gone, my mother was home alone for the first time in her life except for Molly was there. She became a wonderful companion to my mother who didn't drive and was retired. They developed their own daily routine. She loved Ritz crackers and every night my mother would give her eight crackers. Why eight crackers we will never know. Then each night Molly would back up to my mother who sat in her infamous rocking chair and would want my mother to rub her back. My mother who never really was a dog lover became attached to Molly and Molly to my mother.

About 3 years later my mother made the decision to go into an assisted living due to her diagnosis of alzheimers. She could have taken Molly but it would have been too much for her to handle and not fair to Molly to rob her of a place to run. So I took her. She adjusted well and developed her own routine at her new house. She got along with our dogs for the most part but she let them all know she was boss and she was the boss.

The past two years we could see her decline but tried not to think of the day she would be gone.
Then this past Christmas my youngest son, Ben got a black lab puppy named Winston. He was a big puppy and about the size of Molly. He wanted to play and she played with him. Sometimes I would think Winston was getting to rough with her but she would paw at him and would ask for more. I truly believe Winston extended her life and gave her the last "hurrah".
When we got Jack (our newest addition) about two months ago it was like she said, "ok...Winston you now have a playmate.....my work is done."

We think Molly had a stroke on Friday and gave her a chance to recover over the weekend but this morning she was actually worse. My sister Anne and my son Ben took her to the vet to be put down. I could not watch her suffer nor could I take her myself. I am so grateful to them for taking her for me. I just could not do it.

My good friend who lives across the street where my parents lived all those years offered to let us bury Molly in her backyard because we did not have a place to bury her. Her backyard was fitting because it took Molly back to where she started.....on Carolina Avenue.

Molly, you were the best dog any family could ever want and you touched many. I love you and I will miss you.

Goodbye Molly.......

WINSTON...THE BIG BLACK DOG!

We have a dog..or shall I say my son, Ben has a black lab that was given to him last Christmas as his BIG Christmas gift from us. I was hesitant at first about getting another big dog and one that sheds no less...but we did it.

I’ll have to admit...I’ve fallen in love with Winston. As of now he is about 9 months old and he weighs 77 pounds. He is so long and he has the longest tongue I’ve ever seen on a dog.

He has a mind of his own but is a very quick learner. He was house broken in a month..and can now do several tricks that he would learn in a matter of minutes. Sit, lay, roll....shake hands...(both hands)..and now we are working on the going outside to get the paper. That one will take longer.

But today...Mr. Winston got a wild hair and proceeded to be just a bad dog. He ate two screws that belong to a pistol my husband was working on at the time. Now we wait for the wonderful poop! No...my husband waits for the big event. These screws cannot be replaced.

Then..while I was taking him outside to see if we would retrieve the screws..he decides to take a running jump into his kiddie pool..then jumped back out..ran down the little hill..right into my legs...and knocked them right out from underneath me and down I went. I landed more on my left side and at the time I had my blackberry in my hand talking to my sister in law. All I could say was OMG..OMG...“““thug“““. My blackberry never left my ear...LOL. Winston then proceeds to try to bite my hair and take my sunglasses off my head. All I could do was laugh.
At first I thought...“boy, I’m not even hurt“...but now...I’m starting to get a little stiff.

Despite all that Winston has done today...we still love him to death!!

This all got me to thinking about how we live our lives day to day and what God thinks of us. We make mistakes, say things we shouldn’t, do things we shouldn’t, and just plain screw up...but God still loves us unconditionally..even during our screw ups. How awesome is that?

Now let me go find that Advil....again....

WHERE'S THE MOTIVATION?

Lately I've been extremely motivated on exercising. I have to give all the credit to God because I have people praying for me to stay motivated and I've asked him myself to help me in staying "gun ho" with it all. And so far...I have. It's like everything has finally clicked with me in the exercising, watching my calorie intake, and wanting to stay healthy as I can be.

I've had several people to ask me how I stay so motivated or they commented on "how motivated I am". Believe me...the motivation has not always been there. In fact it's been missing for years and years. It's so great to get back into something worthwhile such as my health and really take it seriously. Maybe all of this has come around since my nuclear stress test in May. It all turned out great. I think with having such a great outcome it gave me even more reason to make sure that it stayed that way. Sort of like having a second chance.

God does this with us everyday. He gives us a second chance...a third and fourth. Daily we mess up, but when we ask Him to forgive us..... he makes our stress test come out clean...again and again. So have you been lacking in motivation to build a closer relationship with God? Or have you ever truly had a relationship with God? Whatever your answer just know that God's grace gives us the luxury of the "do overs"...and I think that's a good thing.

Happy Mother's Day Betty......

Today was Mother’s Day. I can’t say it was the best one...but it surely wasn’t the worst. I’ve had those. But for some reason...this year....my mother was on my mind ALOT. Is it because it might be her last? I don’t know...could be. And in all reality...I wish it was. Why would I say such a thing?

You see, my mother has alzheimers. She has had it for 11 years. The past 11 years have been eventful and hard. It’s very hard to see someone who use to call you everyday (whether you liked it or not) wither away to nothing. Not only does she have to live with this horrible disease but she is completely blind in one eye (detached retina) and very cloudy in the other. She also has diabetes. So..imagine having alzheimers and being blind at the same time.

But my mother still is very pleasant to be around. She still has a bit of a sense of humor, but each time I see her I have to introduce myself to her. I am her daughter....the baby....and she doesn’t know me. Do you know how hard it is to talk to your mother and she has no clue of who you are?

I love my mother but I love her enough to wish her to be free of this horrible disease. Do I wish she would go to sleep tonight and not wake up? You bet I do. Then she would be free of this disease and could then go to heaven and be with my father and her parents that she speaks of so often.

I was unable to visit with my mother today due to being sick and not knowing what I have. But she wouldn’t know if I came or much less that it’s Mother’s Day. My intentions are not to put a damper on anyone’s Mother’s Day. But this is all I have of my Mother today....and these are my thoughts.

So if your mother is still living...and she still calls you ....sometimes with annoying questions or tells you that story more than once...just deal with it. One day...you’ll long for those phone calls...or that story one more time...

Happy Mother’s Day Betty....I love you.

Today I realized that I am killing myself.....with sugar that is. I am a sugarholic and I am coming to terms with these facts. For so long I have denied it but I truly believe this is what is causing me to hang on to the "fat" that I carry around with me and for the up and downs of my blood sugar...the crashes...and the fatigue. I will be 45 years old this May and I want some changes made by my birthday. So...starting tomorrow, Feb. 16th, the withdrawals begin. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Maybe this will get me back to the gym for another aerobics class. As my Daddy use to say..."it's bad to get old". I said that last time didn't I?

Wake Up Call

Today Phillip had his first cardiologist appt after having a small event in December involving chest pains and some tingling down his left arm. It was enough that it scared him. He was taken by the guard at the plant to the plant doctor. They checked him out and really didn't find anything pressing at the time but recommended he see a cardiologist. So they referred him and today was the day. We really liked Dr. Mac Bowman. We heard he was the best in town so we wanted the best. He asked a lot of questions, really listened to his heart, his breathing and Phillip himself.
We have a stress study scheduled on March 6th. We will know more then of what is going on with him. Dr. Bowman says by looking at the EKG and bloodwork that the majority of his problem is hereditary. Therefore he put him on Crestor for a month and we will know more in about a month of what we are dealing with. We do know he has a good bit of weight to lose and so do I. It will be a joint effort. And we both will start to increase our exercise regime. Heck..increase...maybe START IT....

Like my Daddy always said: it's bad to get old.